Break me down, then build me up – a reflection of radiation therapy effects on person and mind.
This piece portrays an imagined screenshot from a radiation planning program, including dosimetry lines and markers targeted toward a central brain tumour. The dissolving and crumbling pixels are meant as an interpretation of radiation effects on person and mind. Sophisticated physics and software allow for precise targeting of radiation towards an area of interest, with the intent […]
D&C
D&C. Such a simple sounding thing. If it were C&D, We might add it to our alphabet song. Arrange soft & sauced alphagetti, Or lettered sugar sweet breakfast, But pasta nor cereal Comes up or goes down During a D&C. The heartbeat was hard to find. Clinic, emerge. I thought I could find it – […]
Untitled
Some gen surg haikus for you The scent of bowel Is hideous and lingers But also there is awe The nature of ego Is poison to a wound To cut or to cure? Consent? What a joke The operation mystifies What is the answer? Smile in the morning Start a patient’s day out right Dawn […]
The facts
The fact that you stand as I sit, And you pace as I listen. And read how you were deferred From yet another orthopedic surgeon. The fact that you’re barely older than me, With joints traumatized by dislocations. A congenital condition like loose elastic bands, And desire joint replacements as kids prefer lolli’s. The fact […]
Status quo
It angered me this am, While relaying your story to my staff physician, That when I said you were Aboriginal, It seemed to legitimize The fact that you’re here, The fact that you’re dying Too early, just like 3 of your siblings already. With a heart that’s tired, Vessels clogged, ravaged by toxic levels of […]
Sometimes I Wonder
I wonder sometimes, Between 3am ward calls, And figuring out Abx dosing – Never mind what bugs we’re fighting… How you’re doing, Beyond jokes about hospital food, A great view, a good book. I wonder how you feel when I ask you What you know and why you’re here, And you respond “my heart’s on […]
A rash
I remember today why I love medicine, Why I chose this life, Which regularly has me questioning my own sanity. On my last week of 3rd year. In dermatology [an unexpected spot for insight]. Though to call it medicine, Without hesitation is a misnomer – I prefer the social[slash]medicinal side of things, Which rarely, though […]
Thoughts from the front lines (Emergency)
Live deliberately. Say yes, and say no. Ask, look, listen and touch. Believe in your gut. Fist pump, snap and Smile often. And do it for you. First. The “experts” sit on rolling chairs. But the truth rests on front lines. On soles of shoes, finger nails, heart sounds. Seek your own. Talk, question, explore. […]
Yes, I bleed.
This was written after reflecting on a long gynecology call shift… Yes, I bleed. Or rather I used to, Until this thing was inserted into my vagina. An Intrauterine System, they call it. Or Merena, if you prefer a softer, more human name. And my monthly flow, moontime, as you will – Well, that now […]
Wow, the residents talk fast.
Of places we need to be, times we need to note. Topics we need to know, acronyms we yet don’t. Such that we type them into our brain phones. Tap tap tap like starving woodpeckers probe wood for worms, As if this slippery sustenance of knowledge could Replace the companion on each new rotation: A […]
On Call Poetry #2
written in a call room. Cathedrals every time you moan I flinch you writhe. twist. keen low and deep and powerful “It’s primal” they tell me “It’s beauty” they coo so why am I watching you? why are my hands clenched brown gloves cinched over a green gown sweat sliding down the back of […]
Open ended questions
“And what are your thoughts about that?” I hear myself ask. Awake, often. And now even in my dreams. Week 5 of psych and I try to be open ended. I ask, as I’d like to know how you construct reality, How neurons, transmitters intersect with personality, world. How your thoughts take form, How you […]
If someone were to ask me.
If someone were to ask me how I’m doing right now. I’d have to pause. I’d have to take a moment to go looking for phone books. The old school ones with white and yellow, and maybe pink? – It’s been so long. I don’t even know if they still make them anymore. Or maybe […]
It is.
“It is stage 4” is too difficult to say. His blue eyes look yearningly into those of his patient. “I can’t really help you”, he is trying to say. But not; his words speak of probability, outcomes, options. Indirect, vague. Struggle. The pelvic MRI: mashed potatoes. The cancer in our patient’s rectum reaching into bladder, […]
Thoughts on my surgery rotation
Surgery. We talk about livers, gallbladders, IV fluids and PE’s. What ever happened to that acronym FIFE*? I wonder. Is it purposeful, This lack of reference to life? I’ve gotten good at rounding. Vitals. The 5 essentials: Pain, pooping, farting, eating, walking? Good. A poke here, poke there. Next. I’ve become not a bad assist. […]
The Inspiration behind AAA: Blue Bloater
Here’s the poem which injected my life with an interest in reflecting through art to cope with some of the intensity of clerkship… They’ve told us about blue bloaters before. They are managed with SABAs, anticholinergics, steroids and antimicrobials. Other prescriptions include nutrition, exercise and chest physiotherapy. Oxygen? Well, let’s give ‘er a try. But […]