Sometimes I Wonder
I wonder sometimes, Between 3am ward calls, And figuring out Abx dosing – Never mind what bugs we’re fighting… How you’re doing, Beyond jokes about hospital food, A great view, a good book. I wonder how you feel when I ask you What you know and why you’re here, And you respond “my heart’s on […]
A rash
I remember today why I love medicine, Why I chose this life, Which regularly has me questioning my own sanity. On my last week of 3rd year. In dermatology [an unexpected spot for insight]. Though to call it medicine, Without hesitation is a misnomer – I prefer the social[slash]medicinal side of things, Which rarely, though […]
Finding freedom through words
(Disclaimer: this is not really health-related per say, but rather is more about writing and the process of finding and celebrating its utility in my own life.) I want to dive dolphins without splash, Fly with these unfeathered, unflighted arms, Leap over great lakes and dead seas, Challenge my shadow to double double, triple speed. […]
little ditties
she holds her truth behind her teeth and smiles small and strained the certainty of honesty is the certainty of pain of knowing that you are on a path to flayed skin and charred hearts fire is a cleansing force but the brushfire is not an inconsequential addition to a long list of casualties […]
Grief
heaving sobs raw wound exposed snot and tears soaking my shoulder holding tight, holding on howling, guttural paroxysms coming in waves hiccupping for breath then spent
Thoughts from the front lines (Emergency)
Live deliberately. Say yes, and say no. Ask, look, listen and touch. Believe in your gut. Fist pump, snap and Smile often. And do it for you. First. The “experts” sit on rolling chairs. But the truth rests on front lines. On soles of shoes, finger nails, heart sounds. Seek your own. Talk, question, explore. […]
Yes, I bleed.
This was written after reflecting on a long gynecology call shift… Yes, I bleed. Or rather I used to, Until this thing was inserted into my vagina. An Intrauterine System, they call it. Or Merena, if you prefer a softer, more human name. And my monthly flow, moontime, as you will – Well, that now […]
the mistress
moody and flush with the glow of midnight kisses and sharp lavender curling to bless the back of my throat I was ill equipped to sweep into your room my majesty garish in the face of bleached roses on your cheeks ivy winding up and choking out your voice parched earth mapping your lips fissures […]
Wow, the residents talk fast.
Of places we need to be, times we need to note. Topics we need to know, acronyms we yet don’t. Such that we type them into our brain phones. Tap tap tap like starving woodpeckers probe wood for worms, As if this slippery sustenance of knowledge could Replace the companion on each new rotation: A […]
Spring
Bulbs birth from flexibilizing soil, Smiles jump on sun rays, Parks fill, kids swing, kites soar. Possibility reaches to sky, open. Meanwhile, uteruses ache. Apparently. Your question re: freezing, Discords with the winded daffodils, That dance outside our clinic windows. You too reach for possibility, That current situation doesn’t afford. Ready for birth, to rock […]
On Call Poetry #2
written in a call room. Cathedrals every time you moan I flinch you writhe. twist. keen low and deep and powerful “It’s primal” they tell me “It’s beauty” they coo so why am I watching you? why are my hands clenched brown gloves cinched over a green gown sweat sliding down the back of […]
Open ended questions
“And what are your thoughts about that?” I hear myself ask. Awake, often. And now even in my dreams. Week 5 of psych and I try to be open ended. I ask, as I’d like to know how you construct reality, How neurons, transmitters intersect with personality, world. How your thoughts take form, How you […]
On Call Poetry #1
I’ve challenged myself to write a poem (not necessarily about medicine) every evening I’m on call for the foreseeable future. Here’s the first offering. Pillow Talk I never wanted you to know how I wake up in bliss your name, a pearl dropping from my tongue to cold pillows I reach out curl in stop how the […]
If someone were to ask me.
If someone were to ask me how I’m doing right now. I’d have to pause. I’d have to take a moment to go looking for phone books. The old school ones with white and yellow, and maybe pink? – It’s been so long. I don’t even know if they still make them anymore. Or maybe […]
It is.
“It is stage 4” is too difficult to say. His blue eyes look yearningly into those of his patient. “I can’t really help you”, he is trying to say. But not; his words speak of probability, outcomes, options. Indirect, vague. Struggle. The pelvic MRI: mashed potatoes. The cancer in our patient’s rectum reaching into bladder, […]
Thoughts on my surgery rotation
Surgery. We talk about livers, gallbladders, IV fluids and PE’s. What ever happened to that acronym FIFE*? I wonder. Is it purposeful, This lack of reference to life? I’ve gotten good at rounding. Vitals. The 5 essentials: Pain, pooping, farting, eating, walking? Good. A poke here, poke there. Next. I’ve become not a bad assist. […]
The Inspiration behind AAA: Blue Bloater
Here’s the poem which injected my life with an interest in reflecting through art to cope with some of the intensity of clerkship… They’ve told us about blue bloaters before. They are managed with SABAs, anticholinergics, steroids and antimicrobials. Other prescriptions include nutrition, exercise and chest physiotherapy. Oxygen? Well, let’s give ‘er a try. But […]
Toe Nails
Elephantitis of the legs, Lymphostatic ballooning. Your protein filled, fluid logged limbs Are too heavy for your frame, Too massive for a guy. Early 30’s. The pain in those legs, Doppler’s don’t begin to explain. Rule out DVT, sure. But to cancel the shame, the guilt, A therapeutic dose would be nice. Revealing your feet, […]
Our ISUMS
They say medicine is politics on a grand scale. They say medicine is science seeped in the social. It’s about humanity, say the voices. But I wonder where the voices have gone. When you little ones sleep at night, Bundled tighter than the other babies cuddled next door, Sniffling, sneezing, sleeping. We call you the […]